1. Fake an injury. She will forget about that snack she has been begging for (after refusing breakfast!) and become concerned over your "owie".
2. Imitate him. He will be shocked by your atrocious behavior and hopefully move on to another subject.
3. Keep agreeing with her, but don't follow through with your agreement. The clash of your actions versus your words will mystify her little mind, and before you know it: what Dora show?
4. Offer an off-limits item as a truce. "I will let you play with Daddy's wallet if you stop bothering me..."
5. Hide in the bathroom until the argument blows over. Mommy just needs a little privacy, okay honey?
6. Threaten a nap if that isn't already the subject of your fight with him. Hey, us parents only have a few aces in the hole. Sometimes we have to use them.
7. Run in the other direction. No matter how out of shape you are, her little legs are no match for yours.
8. Pretend to be asleep. Can you believe kids actually fall for that stunt?
9. Offer Mountain Dew, Red Bull, Shocktarts, Betty Crocker's double fudge chocolate cake, Double Bubble, Snickers...whatever throws him off the scent of that new Elmo he's begging you to purchase.
10. Give in to her demands. Is this really worth you missing your show?
***DISCLAIMER: All above comments are for comedic purposes only and do not reflect the views or actions of this blogger.***
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Just when I thought...
I went away for the weekend with my girl friends. It was wonderful; we enjoyed a child-free, carefree weekend together. I slept in! I sat in a hot tub! I shopped for myself! (Kind of.) I left my two younger children; Maximus, now 10 months, and Hailley, 2 1/2, in the care of my husband during this time.
Now I trust my husband completely. I was slightly worried about the state of the house upon my return, but I was pretty sure my kids were in capable hands. When I came home Sunday afternoon everything seemed pretty good to me. The kitchen looked like it had never seen a dishrag, every possible plate and silverware piece we own was unclean and the dog bowls were bone dry, but I can settle for that.
I asked Blake, my wonderful husband, how his weekend was.
"Great!" He responded cheerfully. The kids were bathed and napping he told me. He relayed his weekend activities and I divulged mine, and then we resumed our lives.
The next day I was giving my son a morning bath and I noticed that the caps to both the baby shampoo and the baby wash were closed. This may not sound abnormal to you, but it struck me as odd because Blake is incapable of shutting any lid, ever. He leaves open ketchup tops, water bottle tops, baby wipes, cupboards, etc. You name it, he leaves it open. Well that is sweet of him, I thought. He actually remembered to close two lids!
I was wrong. I ignored my instincts. I went against my intuition in defense of my husband, the father of my children, the love of my life. I hoped he closed those lids.
The day after my suspicious observation, I noticed what lid Blake had left open in the bathroom: the lid for the dog shampoo.
Now I trust my husband completely. I was slightly worried about the state of the house upon my return, but I was pretty sure my kids were in capable hands. When I came home Sunday afternoon everything seemed pretty good to me. The kitchen looked like it had never seen a dishrag, every possible plate and silverware piece we own was unclean and the dog bowls were bone dry, but I can settle for that.
I asked Blake, my wonderful husband, how his weekend was.
"Great!" He responded cheerfully. The kids were bathed and napping he told me. He relayed his weekend activities and I divulged mine, and then we resumed our lives.
The next day I was giving my son a morning bath and I noticed that the caps to both the baby shampoo and the baby wash were closed. This may not sound abnormal to you, but it struck me as odd because Blake is incapable of shutting any lid, ever. He leaves open ketchup tops, water bottle tops, baby wipes, cupboards, etc. You name it, he leaves it open. Well that is sweet of him, I thought. He actually remembered to close two lids!
I was wrong. I ignored my instincts. I went against my intuition in defense of my husband, the father of my children, the love of my life. I hoped he closed those lids.
The day after my suspicious observation, I noticed what lid Blake had left open in the bathroom: the lid for the dog shampoo.
Friday, April 20, 2012
Praise for Mommy
I had her trained. I had Hailley going to the bathroom all on her own. It was marvelous, stupendous, thrilling! She was performing beautifully: going, wiping, emptying the potty, the whole works. And then.. Hailley had a toddler moment, and realized that she didn't want to continue going potty in her little princess potty chair.
It all went downhill from that moment. My husband Blake and I quickly learned that we couldn't make her go, and so therefore potty time became optional for Hailley. For her that meant she was not going to go anymore at all. This was a devastating backslide for the person who had to change her (ME!) but what could I do?
I decided to invite her into the bathroom when I needed to use it, just to see if she would regain her interest and excitement over being "a big girl". What, you may ask, were the results of this action? Hailley praised me for going potty. She cheered me on, examined the toilet to see what I did, and even gave me high fives for my achievements!
I couldn't believe it. I suppose I can at least be grateful she knows that using the toilet is a good thing, and I know she will be using one herself before she starts preschool.
Hailley: 1 Mommy: 0
It all went downhill from that moment. My husband Blake and I quickly learned that we couldn't make her go, and so therefore potty time became optional for Hailley. For her that meant she was not going to go anymore at all. This was a devastating backslide for the person who had to change her (ME!) but what could I do?
I decided to invite her into the bathroom when I needed to use it, just to see if she would regain her interest and excitement over being "a big girl". What, you may ask, were the results of this action? Hailley praised me for going potty. She cheered me on, examined the toilet to see what I did, and even gave me high fives for my achievements!
I couldn't believe it. I suppose I can at least be grateful she knows that using the toilet is a good thing, and I know she will be using one herself before she starts preschool.
Hailley: 1 Mommy: 0
Thursday, April 19, 2012
I'm a Genius! and a Bad Influence
Have I mentioned that Hailley is not a morning person? Each and every dayspring I am greeted with tears, wails and the best word on earth, "NNNNOOOOOOO!" (insert sarcasm here) This morning Hailley woke me up at 6:45 a.m. screaming in her room. Was she sick? Nooo! Was she hurt? Nooo! Was she scared? Nooo! Hailley was awake, and it was morning.
I am tired of the sunrise tantrums. I want to wake up like Cinderella, with birds singing around me (and making my bed), warm sun shining on my face, and a hot bath and clean clothes (complete with ribbons) to slip into. Hailley is quite effectively ruining my morning fantasies. She would be Lucifer the cat, eating my birds, in the Disney classic. So I made the executive decision that I would not allow her attitude to affect mine. I want my day to start nice, and darn it if I am going to let a whiny toddler set fire to my desires.
I have to figure out how to get my attitude to change hers. So far it's been a bust. But this morning..
When Hailley started her usual meltdown at the ripe hour of 7 a.m., I decided to feed her marshmallows. Yes that's what I wrote, marshmallows. Big fat ones that plugged up her angry beautiful little mouth and turned her frown upside down!
Now we are both smiling, and I know why parents feed their kids that sugary crap at breakfast time. Needless to say I can't keep doing this, but today my birds feel it's safe to come out. I left my bed unmade if any feathered friends make their way in there.
I am tired of the sunrise tantrums. I want to wake up like Cinderella, with birds singing around me (and making my bed), warm sun shining on my face, and a hot bath and clean clothes (complete with ribbons) to slip into. Hailley is quite effectively ruining my morning fantasies. She would be Lucifer the cat, eating my birds, in the Disney classic. So I made the executive decision that I would not allow her attitude to affect mine. I want my day to start nice, and darn it if I am going to let a whiny toddler set fire to my desires.
I have to figure out how to get my attitude to change hers. So far it's been a bust. But this morning..
When Hailley started her usual meltdown at the ripe hour of 7 a.m., I decided to feed her marshmallows. Yes that's what I wrote, marshmallows. Big fat ones that plugged up her angry beautiful little mouth and turned her frown upside down!
Now we are both smiling, and I know why parents feed their kids that sugary crap at breakfast time. Needless to say I can't keep doing this, but today my birds feel it's safe to come out. I left my bed unmade if any feathered friends make their way in there.
Friday, April 13, 2012
My Bloomin Baby Boy
Maximus, my five month-old son, is crawling. Okay, fine, so its scooting, technically, but either way, he's on the move! I am so grateful that I get to see his first moves; I worked when both of my daughters were infants, so I didn't get to experience the joy that comes with actually catching "the firsts".
Boy, oh boy, is he moving fast though! I mean in his progression. Just a couple of weeks ago (I have April 1st on the calendar as the first time he scooted) he reached for a toy and then pushed himself forward on his elbows to get it. Yesterday Max had to be removed from under the table where he was trying to investigate some cords. I had set him down in the middle of the floor, so he traveled about 4 1/2 feet in the less than two minutes I averted my eyes. Where's the fire buddy?
This morning, he was so wriggly that I couldn't finish changing him on the changing table. He kept rolling over! I moved him to the floor and found myself trying to button his onesie while he was on his stomach scooting away from me. Really?
I thought I had more time with a cuddly newborn! I guess not. I keep thinking, if this is what he is like now, what is he going to be doing in two, three months? When he is a year old? Heaven help us.
(Quick prayer to God: Father, please watch over my wild little boy, and give me the patience and skill to deal with his future shenanigans.)
Boy, oh boy, is he moving fast though! I mean in his progression. Just a couple of weeks ago (I have April 1st on the calendar as the first time he scooted) he reached for a toy and then pushed himself forward on his elbows to get it. Yesterday Max had to be removed from under the table where he was trying to investigate some cords. I had set him down in the middle of the floor, so he traveled about 4 1/2 feet in the less than two minutes I averted my eyes. Where's the fire buddy?
This morning, he was so wriggly that I couldn't finish changing him on the changing table. He kept rolling over! I moved him to the floor and found myself trying to button his onesie while he was on his stomach scooting away from me. Really?
I thought I had more time with a cuddly newborn! I guess not. I keep thinking, if this is what he is like now, what is he going to be doing in two, three months? When he is a year old? Heaven help us.
(Quick prayer to God: Father, please watch over my wild little boy, and give me the patience and skill to deal with his future shenanigans.)
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
...Really?
I had the three kids in the car and we were running an errand. All was going well so far- I even stopped at the gas station and got everyone treats.
When we got to our destination I got the bulky double stroller out of the trunk and went around to the side of the car, to remove my 2 year old daughter from her car seat. I opened the door. There she sat, squeezing her entire juice drink out into her lap.
*Sigh*
Love means not minding the sticky mess.
When we got to our destination I got the bulky double stroller out of the trunk and went around to the side of the car, to remove my 2 year old daughter from her car seat. I opened the door. There she sat, squeezing her entire juice drink out into her lap.
*Sigh*
Love means not minding the sticky mess.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Hailley Turns Two
I'm a cereal in the morning kind of mom. Between the late nights I pull doing homework, the twice a night feedings I do with Maximus, and the getting 3 young kids ready to be out the door by 7:45 a.m. that I have to handle, I have no remote interest in adding a kitchen mess to clean to my morning list. This morning was different though: my middle child is turning two today!
Excited, I skip into the girls' room this morning and sing, "Good morning ladies!" Silence is the response I am met with.
"It's time to get up and get ready for school!" Hailley, who was sleeping on the floor next to her toddler bed as usual, starts to stir. I focus my good mood on her first.
"Happy birthday Hailley! You are two years old today!"
"NOOOOooooooo.." She mumbles. I ignore this.
"Hailley, when someone asks you how old you are, say 'I'm two!' " I continue.
"NOOOOOO!" She shouts. Nothing like waking up a toddler who is not a morning person.
I make sure the girls are out of bed and move to the kitchen. I'm not going to let her sour face ruin my morning!
So I whip up scrambled eggs, sausage patties and pancakes, complete with one little lit candle.
Swaylynn has gotten Hailley dressed and in her high chair. Both girls are staring at me with blank faces. Looks like I will have to emit all the positive moods today.
"Happy birthday to you.." I start singing as I walk towards Hailley with her birthday breakfast. "Happy birthday to you.."
"Nnnoooooooo.." Hailley starts to growl. She shrinks down into her chair. I slow down but I'm still singing. "NNNOOOOOO!!" She yells again.
"Don't you want to blow out your candle honey?" I ask her. She has shrunk down further in her chair, and has a horrible look on her face. Sway is giggling in her chair next to Hailley.
"Look at her face!" Sway giggles again. I hide my own smirk. It's pretty funny, but all H-E-double hockey sticks will break loose if Hailley thinks we are teasing her.
Hailley scowls even more, a feat which I did not think was possible. She shakes her head at me and says, (you guessed it!) "NNNOOOO!"
I ended up blowing out her candle for her. She also decided to refuse to eat this morning, so breakfast was a complete flop. I have stopped singing by this time. So much for a cheery birthday morning!
Like I said, I'm a cereal in the morning kind of mom.
Excited, I skip into the girls' room this morning and sing, "Good morning ladies!" Silence is the response I am met with.
"It's time to get up and get ready for school!" Hailley, who was sleeping on the floor next to her toddler bed as usual, starts to stir. I focus my good mood on her first.
"Happy birthday Hailley! You are two years old today!"
"NOOOOooooooo.." She mumbles. I ignore this.
"Hailley, when someone asks you how old you are, say 'I'm two!' " I continue.
"NOOOOOO!" She shouts. Nothing like waking up a toddler who is not a morning person.
I make sure the girls are out of bed and move to the kitchen. I'm not going to let her sour face ruin my morning!
So I whip up scrambled eggs, sausage patties and pancakes, complete with one little lit candle.
Swaylynn has gotten Hailley dressed and in her high chair. Both girls are staring at me with blank faces. Looks like I will have to emit all the positive moods today.
"Happy birthday to you.." I start singing as I walk towards Hailley with her birthday breakfast. "Happy birthday to you.."
"Nnnoooooooo.." Hailley starts to growl. She shrinks down into her chair. I slow down but I'm still singing. "NNNOOOOOO!!" She yells again.
"Don't you want to blow out your candle honey?" I ask her. She has shrunk down further in her chair, and has a horrible look on her face. Sway is giggling in her chair next to Hailley.
"Look at her face!" Sway giggles again. I hide my own smirk. It's pretty funny, but all H-E-double hockey sticks will break loose if Hailley thinks we are teasing her.
Hailley scowls even more, a feat which I did not think was possible. She shakes her head at me and says, (you guessed it!) "NNNOOOO!"
I ended up blowing out her candle for her. She also decided to refuse to eat this morning, so breakfast was a complete flop. I have stopped singing by this time. So much for a cheery birthday morning!
Like I said, I'm a cereal in the morning kind of mom.
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