Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I know that you typically only deliver gifts to children who believe in you, but I figured I would take a chance and hope that you would find time in your busy holiday schedule to send a few things to a frazzled mom.  A mom who has been covering your butt for the last 9 years, buying gifts for her kids and putting YOUR name on the label. 

You owe me old man. Ever since that one year when I got mostly hideous clothing for Christmas, you owe me.  I put that season of turtleneck, itchy sweater misery on you. 

Okay, so here's my list.  I organized everything according to priority, from most important to least important.  If you can't give me everything, then at least cover the first few items on the list.

1. Peace and joy.  By this, I mean that I specifically want cheerful mornings, quiet nap times, and loving dinners. 
2. An exercise and eating plan that I can actually follow and lose weight.  (I don't care what Dr. Oz says, eating nothing but vegetables for a year is NOT fun!)
3. A decent night's sleep.  Silly me for assuming toddlers slept through the night. 
4. A tiny maid to follow my husband and kids around and pick up after them.  Can you spare an elf?
5. All new undergarments.  Socks, underwear, bras, and what the heck, throw some spanks in there too.
6. Christmas lights that stay lit through the entire holiday season. 
7. A snow blower.  (This one's for my hubby.)

I know that my requests may very well be in vain.  But think of it like this, St. Nick.  You will be in the vicinity anyway.  It's not like I'm asking you to go out of your way or anything.  And I promise to leave you some treats out on the table.  It might be saltines and some old tootsie rolls.  Or an apple.  Let's be honest here, your cholesterol must be through the roof!  Sorry, no offense. 

Sort of Sincerely,

Rachel

Author Description

Rachel Vogel lives in the Midwest with her husband, three children and boxer puppy.  She attends college full time in a pursuit of her MBA.  She also works part time.  She enjoys reading novels, going to movies, and sleeping past 6:30 a.m.  However she rarely gets to partake in these activities.  She spends most of her time chasing her dog around the house, surviving temper tantrums, and studying into the early morning hours. 

Mrs. Vogel appreciates solitude and quiet.  She hopes to experience this in 3-5 years.  Quiet in her home means that something naughty is going down.  At the exact moment the previous sentence was being typed, her two-year old son was sitting on the kitchen counter, quietly pouring the rest of the milk container all over the dishwasher.  She acquires peace by prayer, hiding in the bathroom, or sneaking her latest read into bed late at night, after her husband has fallen asleep. 

Mrs. Vogel is also the author of other acclaimed works, including Crayola Marker, Moms are Just Like Everybody Else, See? and The Fall of the Prince.  She is currently at work on her next piece.